Santa Rosa Beach Florida: As you may have already gathered, beer and liquor are pretty important to us here at 30ascene.com. Although we (and any reasonable person) could and would argue that liquor and beer are all you actually need to survive in this excellent life, we wouldn’t actually want to try it.
Yes, food comes a close second to our beloved adult beverages, and fortunately for us (and you) there is a diverse group of culinary capitalists in our area.
That being said, we have come to the conclusion that many of these places have been misnamed. Their monikers just do not fit their theme, location and/or menu. So, being the arrogant jerks we are, we have decided to give these beloved places more appropriate titles. See them below.
Editor’s note: Please understand that this article is not necessarily a commentary or critique on the menu items in these establishments. We just think that our restaurant naming skills are more descriptive and well, better than those who named them.
1) Pizza By the Sea, Watercolor: Known for a pretty good piece of pizza pie, Pizza by the Sea‘s name is more than just slightly misleading. I mean c’mon man! They are at least 5 miles from the shoreline. As a result, we think we here at the 30aScene will officially start calling them, “Pizza By the Publix” or “Pizza Behind the Suntrust Bank” OR, “Pizza about 5 miles from the Sea.”
2) The Red Bar, Grayton Beach: Yeah, we know that The Red Bar has some red lighting and junk, but we still think that they should be called something else. The outside isn’t red, the food isn’t red, and the beer isn’t red. As a result, we think that the “Cash Bar” is slightly more apropos… for obvious reasons.
3) Grayton Bar & Grill, Grayton Beach: One of the newest eateries on the “30a Scene”, Grayton Bar & Grill is a pretty nice place to go out and grab a fancy dinner. The only problem is the fact that they call themselves a “bar and grill”…which is very misleading to our redneck tourists from Alabama and Mississippi. When those folks hear the terms “bar and grill”, they think that shoes and shirts are optional. Not at all what our friends at GBG are putting forth in their decor or atmosphere. In other words, their atmosphere is a little more upscale than the name reflects. Maybe we should call it “Grayton Pub & Eatery” or ” The Grayton Fancy Pants food and spirits” or “The Grayton Eatery near Watercolor and Seaside” or “The unlike any other Restaurant or Drinkery in Grayton Beach.” OR, “Whitey Tighties of Grayton.”
4) Johnny Mctighes Irish Pub, Blue Mountain Beach: Is Jack Mctighe of Irish lineage? Yep. Is there traditional Irish fare on the menu? Barely. Does this restaurant fit the bill as a traditional Irish Pub? Not really, but that’s okay. We love Mctighes and they have some of the best chili dawgs in South Walton. We do think, however, that “Johnny Mctighes Cop Hang out” or “The Fuzz’s Pub” would be a more appropriate title. If you’re not sure what we mean, check them out at lunch time. The po po love Mctighes almost as much as they love the “Donut Hole.”
5) The Grayt Coffee House, Grayton Beach: Many of the very articles on this site have been written in the gardens of the Grounds at Monet Monet while sipping on a big ol’ cup of Grayt Coffee. The place is a veritable breeding ground of inspiration and the food is pretty damn good too. That being said, we really think the place should be called, “Grayt Coffee Hugs” or “Drink this While Cheri Hugs your Neck” or “Would you like a side of art with your coffee and biscuit.”
6) Louis Louis, Highway 98: Not really a bad name, but it can get difficult to pronounce after 7 or 8 drinks. Don’t believe me? Try it next time. Our suggestion here is just out of pure laziness. Let’s call it “Louis 2 Times” or “Louis II” or “Lulu’s”.
7) The Whale’s Tail, Miramar Beach: When’s the last time you saw a whale in the gulf? Yeah, that’s what we thought. Do they serve whale at this place? Nope, that’s illegal. Do the servers wear thongs? Nuh, uh! Probably the most inappropriately named restaurant on our list, The Whale’s Tail’s name is just plain old silliness in branding. It really doesn’t describe anything about the place does it? We think they either need to change the server’s attire or change the name entirely. Since thongs are illegal in Walton County, maybe they should change the name to “The Spring Break Urination Station” or the “Gotta Grab A Drink because I left my cooler in the Room bar and grill.” Those seem to be a bit more fitting.
8) The Aegean Greek Restaurant, Miramar Beach: Does anyone know how to actually pronounce the name of this place? I mean, is it like the Aegean sea? or is the “g” pronounced the same way as in Gyro? We are confused. As a result, we should just call this place “The Greek Place beside Pepitos in Miramar Beach Across from Ace Hardware.” (Which is actually what we call it when describing it to our friends.) OR, “Hercules Bar and Grill” Or something with Zeus in it. They were Greek.
9) Baytowne: Our first and only non-eatery on the list, Baytowne is a nightmare for writer’s with OCD…like myself. Spell check just doesn’t recognize the place as a legitimate word and as a result, it irritates the crap out of us..er, me. Because it is basically a boutique strip mall by day and a booty club by night, it could carry two different names. During the day, maybe “Cash Trap without Locals Discounts” would be an appropriate name. At night, “Drunkey Town” or “Umph Tss Village” (repeat that sound over and again to gain an understanding of it’s meaning) or “Booty Shaker Town” would work.
10) Fat Daddy’s Pizza, Highway 98: One of the favs for locals, Fat Daddy’s offers cheap beer and decent pizza. The problem is the fact that they have chosen to single out one group of individuals with their name. As a fat dad, I find this title offensive and down right ethnocentric against fat fathers everywhere. As a result, we are calling for them to rename themselves “Fat Everybody’s” to show a more sensitive side to dad’s, like myself, who enjoy pizza and beer while enjoying obesity. At a minimum, they should change it to “Gravitationally Challenged Sperm Donor”. The latter would show some sensitivity to chubby dads and at the same time avoid offending single mothers.