South Walton County Florida: Turtle watching is definitely serious business around the Emerald Coast. Zealots of all shapes and sizes go out on the beach every morning before the a$$ crack of dawn to search for turtles and their nests, yell at beach service suppliers, and complain incessantly about lights and sandcastle holes. These champions of the endangered have become an irritant to some and are labeled as saints by others. Regardless of your personal feelings about them, we feel that they provide a voice and helping hand to nature’s underdogs…err under-turtles.
Now it looks as if they are changing their entire focus.
James Terrapin, one of the leading turtle watchers in the Inlet Beach area, announced on Friday that “a species of reptile that we had long thought extinct has now been discovered on Grayton Beach, and apparently the animal is looking for a place to nest…or something/someone to eat. We aren’t really sure, but it’s there and it’s our duty to ensure the survival of this species.”
When asked exactly which species it was, Mr. Terrapin said, “we really don’t want to alarm the public, so it’s probably best that we don’t mention it just yet. Just know that it’s one of God’s creatures and we’re going to protect it. Turtle watching is old news. This is the latest and greatest way to show our love for the ecosystem.”
There are those in opposition to protecting the species…regardless of what it is.
Andre Prenuer, a local small business advocate said, “I guess now they’ll want to totally shut down the local economy. Don’t they realize that not everyone that lives in South Walton is independently wealthy? Our economy,” he continued, ” is dependent on tourists who buy Styrofoam boogie boards, cheap snorkeling masks and 30a.com branded beers and coffees, and it’s those items along with the bed taxes that pay for essential services and MRAP vehicles.”
Since the discussions were getting a lot more heated and socioeconomic than we really cared for, we decided to do some investigative snooping to discover which species has caused the T-watch folks to totally switch gears. Fortunately for us (and you) a tourist named Mr. Asno Taint from Climax Georgia took the below video with his 30a.com branded smart phone. In the video, you’ll see a beautiful day on Grayton Beach where sh*t gets real…really quick. (Speaking of MRAP vehicles, we think they’re going to need a few more and you’re gonna be glad they have em.)
Local herpetologist and beer drinking advocate, James Serpentine said, “we really do not want this type of species protected do we? I mean, it’s a freaking dinosaur and it’s gonna totally f&ck up the food chain. Let’s kill it before it starts eating people or even worse, dogs.”
Our thoughts exactly…